The real “new age” guy

I’m fond of a bbq and a beer and even more of my wife’s form. Despite that, these interests don’t make me that man I am.

Beers, boobs and barbecues. Meet the modern man.

The Australian Bureau of statistics couldn’t supply any data specifically on the characteristics of Australian men so I went to the next most obvious source, men’s mags. Communication pieces collated by marketing geniuses, designed to appeal to the needs and wants of the modern man.

Let’s start with  the cover of Zoo Weekly. April Vaughan dressed, or should I say undressed, in bikini bottoms and a hooded jacket. The accompanying clever subtitle … all good in the hood.

Her perfectly retouched face and whitened teeth seemingly included only because her head is attached to her chest. There, a strategically placed necklace ensures the readers eyes are drawn to the round masses of silicon clearly visible beneath her open jacket.

The silicon mounds weren’t enough to suck you in, the headlines surely will.

Drugs of the future, they’ll make you smarter, stronger and longer … because men are not satisfied with the drugs that ruin their health today. I won’t comment on longer but sitting around on the lounge reading trashy magazines won’t make you smarter or stronger. What’s more, they’re both achievable without drugs.

Lewis Hamilton’s new ride … woah an insanely overpriced car that you’ll never be able to afford. Saying that, it’s owned by a man who wins car races and dates supermodels, an obvious benchmark for all modern men.

In this magazine you’ll also find and article on Australia’s best new beer. A seemingly harmless article written for all those beer connoisseurs out there. Not entirely correct. After rating the taste, texture and price of the beer they compare each beer to a female celebrity. Unsurprisingly, pictured beside the beer near naked.

It’s not only the traditional men’s mags, sports magazines, seem to have succumbed to the desires of modern men too. They interview sportsmen entirely on their career and photograph them, generally while doing their chosen sport. The women however are generally only included if visually appealing and willing to strip to their underwear for a photo shoot.

I recently tore a popular surf magazine in half. Keeping the first, filled with editorials and photos regarding the world surfing tour. And disregarded the other, it’s pages lined with women in various stages of undress. I shouldn’t be too harsh though, they were advertising women bikini’s, an obvious choice in a men’s magazine.

I can’t remember the last time I saw a men’s magazine offering advice on true manhood. Shamefully, our society needs them.

Beers could be replaced with cooking tips, boobs replaced with health tips and barbecues … well there’s actually nothing wrong with bbq’s but they could include articles on family, relationships and community.

SENSE

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